Svindel och hjärtklappning, på det dåliga sättet
Hittade den här texten i mina anteckningar. Ett inlägg som jag aldrig publicerade. Skrivet 9 juli i år. Lite för destruktivt, alldeles för deppigt. Jag ville att bloggen skulle vara något roligt, en frizon från tråkigheter. Men allt i livet är inte roligt, och det är så sjukt viktigt att prata om det där tråkiga. Om ångest och skit.
[…]
Första riktiga semesterdagen.
Tränar. Handlar lite. Bakar bullar. Solen skiner, livet leker och så PANG!
ETT SKEPP KOMMER LASTAT MED ÅNGEST!
Svindel. Hjärtklappning. Kan inte stå upp. Kan inte andas. Håller i mig i köksbänken för att inte ramla ihop. Det susar i öronen, helt övertygad om att trumhinnorna sprängs nu vilken sekund som helst. Jag har helt garanterat högre puls nu än på träningen och DÅ hade jag puls!
Kan inte fokusera.
Trampar runt.
Magknip.
Illamående.
Diarré.
En känsla av att vara så äckligt överväldigad av precis allt. Jag är dålig. Mitt liv är dåligt (för att jag finns i det). Ingen älskar mig och dom som säger att dom gör det ljuger. Jag gör alla besvikna. Jag är värdelös. Jag måste dö. Dö. Dö. Dö. Slippa leva. Lätta på ångesten. Slippa trampa runt och inte kunna fokusera.
Trycket över bröstet. Så svårt att andas. Tänk om jag dör nu? Åh gud, jag vill inte dö. Hjälp mig. Hjälp mig andas jag dör ju här!
[…]
Tur att en inte alltid mår så här. Gräsligt!
Är det någon här som har ångest ibland? Vad hade du velat berätta eller förklara för personer som aldrig har eller har haft ångest?
Kanske förklara en känsla? Eller prata om det om triggar igång just dig?
När började det? Hur ofta kommer det?
Ska vi snacka om det?
BILD: Blommor från ett torg i Amsterdam. Jag har inte riktigt uppdaterat varken mobil, dator eller kamera. Så det här var den finaste bilden jag hade. Vem älskar inte snittblommor liksom?
Du kanske också gillar
Jag har äntligen blivit min egen!
Intervall-livet
49 kommentarer
John
Vet hur det känns… Vill inte att min värsta fiende ska få uppleva samma. Enda råd jag kan ge är… Låt det ta tid att läka men ta all hjälp du kan få. Det viktigaste jag hade som hjälpte var psykologen.
Efter den kom medicinen. Känns det inte rätt så kräv att få byta. När du hittar rätt psykolog, medicin och dos så märker du det.
Även om du kanske inte tror på dina närmaste att de älskar dig så omge dig av dom och låt de ta hand om dig. Behöver du andas så var ärlig och säg till innan det blir som värst.
Jag har en vän som hade gått igenom samma och han var ett stort stöd i min väg tillbaka.
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Hej John. Jag sitter nu och läser igenom kommentarer och ser att mitt svar inte har publicerats. Vet inte om du fick det innan eller om det faktiskt inte gått fram. Jag uppskattar verkligen dina ord. Och jag tar det till mig. Bytt medicin, pratar med någon och försöker verkligen bli bra. Det tar tid men det kommer bli bättre. Det bara måste det.
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